GirlsGuideTo | Question: Hello Ladies. I have a problem, and...

Hello Ladies. I have a problem, and I'd like your input. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and half now. We met in college, and he moved back home to do culinary school. Out of that year and a half, we were only together at college for 8 months. I see him about once a week if we're lucky. He goes to school and he is a cook at a restaurant, so he doesn't have a lot of spare time.

Lately he has been really negative about things. For instance, when he gets home from work and calls me, he's just the biggest negative nancy the world has seen. I'm naturally an optimistic person, so I try to make him laugh or see the bright side in being off of work, and going home to his comfy bed, etc etc etc. I know that working in a restaurant for 6+ hours can't be that fun, but still. It makes me feel like I am inadequate and a bad girlfriend. And its not just after work; he could be about to go to class, or into work, or just got out of work, etc.

So my question to you all is, what can I do to be there for him more than I already am? The long distance relationship puts a strain on the both of us, but he also works full time and goes to school full time. I just feel like he has so much on his plate and there isn't much I can do to help ease his stress. And apparently what I try to do doesn't help. Do you have any ideas as to what I could do on a daily basis for him? We text a lot and we call as much as we can. We also have facebook, email, skype, etc. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so helpless.

Comments

Posted by Allison Friedman on April 19, 2010 at 2:27 PM

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Brace yourself for this. I've been in this position, except I was playing the same crap your man is playing. You've been together for a year and a half? So he knows you. He knows you are optimistic and that being a negative Nancy will probably bring you down. I've used this tool to push away a boyfriend that I no longer wanted to have. I just didn't want to break up with him, I kind of wanted him to break up with me. Now, I'm not saying your man doesn't love you or wants to break up with you, but distance is tough. It doesn't feel good to be away from your partner and it certainly doesn't help when you're stressed out in every area of life on top of a strenuous relationship. We're physical creatures and a lack of physical contact can impair a relationship. I'm a bitch if I don't get a certain amount of physical attention from my significant other. It's just the way I am.

So, maybe you need to take a break from this relationship. If you really love him then you two can make it work. But you have to be sure he loves you equally or else you are just wasting your time on someone who does nothing but make you feel crappy. Constantly spending you time cheering him up isn't fun for you either and relationships are supposed to be fun!

If you are looking for ways to test him: Send him a racy NOT NUDE photo, send a care package with homemade cookies, tell him you wish you could give him a back rub and kiss the back of his neck.. if he doesn't positively respond to you, then you know his negativity is here to stay. People can always go back to relationships if they are meant to be. But what you are in is what my mother calls GU. Geographically Undesirable.

Just think about much less stressful your life would be if you didn't have to spend all day worrying about how cranky he is? There's always someone else or there's always the opportunity to make it work. You just have to weigh how much crap you are willing to take from someone when there is someone else out there dying to make you happy and worship you as the sexy woman you are.

Good luck. All the best,

Allison

Posted by Krystal Mullins on March 30, 2010 at 2:34 AM

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Posted by Krystal Mullins on March 30, 2010 at 2:34 AM

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Sometimes talking really just doesn't help because he's expecting it. He's expecting that you're gonna do something to try and cheer him up, by talking, texting, etc. So do something unexpected. Find a really goofy card and mail it through regular mail to him. If you have the money, send him some flowers. Send him a stuffed animal and sexy whistles when he pushed its tummy or something. Just something he wouldn't expect,so that'll kinda catch him off guard. I've found that tends to help when it comes to cheering them up.