Question: I freeze while having sex. I can't...

I'm 23, I waited for my "right guy". I'm still with him and all, but I can understand your feelings because I felt the same way the first few times. I had a bad past growing up and because of this I was sent to many many therapists and psychologists. When things didn't "click" during my first few times with my "right guy" I began to analyze everything. I looked at it from every perspective and when I finally hit my conclusion... it all circled around the trauma I endured as a child. I fear being intimate with him, despite how much I care for him.
I was a child of abuse. I had no positive male role model. My mother is a...extreme prude. Not even for religious reasons. The things I know about my self took some serious thinking. I'd go into more detail, but no one wants that. Point is... I know my issues. I'm working on them and like the girl above me said...

Something happened. Maybe you don't remember, because people do block things out. However, I would talk to someone. Drinking to relax isn't healthy for you, mentally. Think about your life. Analyze things of your past and try to pin point when this started. Sometimes... talking to someone about it helps. Nothing is wrong with you though. Rest assured in that.

Ok first stay calm everything will be ok :) I promise you will enjoy sex eventually.

Something had to happen to you to feel this way. Maybe your first time was rushed and not with the right person? Were you hurt in the past? Deep down you know what is holding you back only you can figure that out. Therapy could help. I dont know how quickly you are letting your relationships get physical maybe wait longer. There is no such thing as right or wrong. You should let it happen when you feel comfy. Try getting to know and become friends with the guys. Maybe you will find a man who you feel comfortable with to talk about this with. Also you need to gain more experience sexually speaking. find someone who you can talk to and ask questions and be as graphic as possible.

good luck!

I wasn't telling her to wait until marriage, that's stupid. I was suggesting that she wait an dsee what her next relationship holds as far as how she feels about sex after trying some of the things I suggested (like waiting longer to have sex with a guy than she normally does). If nothing changes and she's still worried then, yes, she should seek counseling of some sort.

I completely disagree with the waiting to get help part. That shouldn't be an issue she waits to fix until marriage. The reason most known people seeking help are in marriage counselling is because they didn't take the time to deal with it out of shame until it got to bad it ruined intimacy in a married!

It's completely okay and probably best to at a least talk to someone professional if you can!!!

Honestly, you probably need to get some psychological help. I'm am not calling you crazy or saying you're mental, but if you want to do it so bad, but can't there is something else wrong here. It obviously sounds like you've had sex before, so maybe make a list of what you did and did not like. Alcohol is NEVER the way to go. It's funny, because my first and I were both new and NOT good at sex when we started. Eventually it grew to be less work and more fun. You need to:
a) Find the RIGHT person
b) Wait longer, even if you think he is the wrong person! Don't feel pressure! If he pressures you he isn't the right one!!!
c) Don't drink. You should feel relaxed if it's right.
d) Use a lot of foreplay. Does it hurt when you do it? Maybe you need lube or it isn't fun, because you're too tense.

Just remember if you feel you need alcohol, it isn't the right timing. I've been with other people since my first and now that my first and I occasionally hang out, I realized that sex with other guys grosses me out, because I DO NOT love them. That may be your issue! And don't feel ashamed this is a normal problem for some woman (It's even been on the Tyra Banks show--people who couldn't physically do it or didn't want to!) It's okay to see a psychologist and does NOT mean you're crazy. Who knows? I may REALLY help you!

1) Until you're ready, just don't do it. Consistently doing it before you're ready will only make sex feel bad to you all the time, regardless of how you feel about the person you're having it with. Negative association will override your feelings.

2) Needing to get drunk in order to be "comfortable" with sex is one of the signs you need to reevaluate your sexual orientation. Granted, that also depends on a lot of other factors, but if you've ever caught yourself smothering impulses to look at other women, then maybe you need to step back and think very, very carefully about your sex life.

3) Furthermore, you should never, EVER need alcohol for sex, EVER. EVER EVER. If it's not okay sober, why the hell should it be okay drunk?

4) Would you be happy to be pregnant with the guy's child? If not, get the hell out. If you're having sex with someone, you need to be fully aware of the possibilities and capable of dealing with them.

How soon do you have sex when you're dating a guy? And have any of them been one-night stands? Are you (or your parents) religious or were at least raised with religious views? How do you feel after sex (e.g. guilty, sad, etc). I think the first step is to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly, write the answers down even (not here, just for your eyes only to get some insight).
First, I'd try waiting longer than you do, basically, STOP having sex...at least until you TRULY feel ready. If you find no enjoyment or pleasure in it then why are you even doing it? If a guy likes you enough (and has any sense of respect or decency) he'll wait and won't complain or pressure you (and if he does, dump him).
Some people do have to seek professional help for their intimacy issues, but these people are usually married and either one has feelings of fear, guilt, pain (which can be real or in their head), etc during sex (some never even consumated the marriage, though they tried). If you feel you need help, then get it, but my advice is to wait. It's possible you just truly aren't ready or (going with the religious thing) you may be feeling guilt stemming from some deep-seeded belief instilled during your upbringing that premarital sex is wrong (which is not uncommon for both men and women to feel regardless of beliefs) or it could be something else entirely.
Good luck!

NO WAY! Girl if you're not ready DON'T DO IT!! No one should feel as though they're forced to have sex. Talk about it, I was a virgin when i met my bf. He never had a girlfriend who was a virgin before, but we both waited till I was READY. I'm glad we did because it felt special. It's still is cus we're still together :)

I'm sorry but if a guy can't be with you without the sex then he isn't EVEN worth it.

I totally wish I knew!! I feel the same exact way but I've heard that when you meet the "right" guy that feeling goes away so maybe one :)