GirlsGuideTo | Question: I've got nobody else but you ladies....

I've got nobody else but you ladies. To be honest I'm only 15 years old. I feel pathetic by posting this on the internet... but I feel I have nowhere else to turn. I've been acting withdrawn lately. I feel sad all the time and I don't know when the last time I genuinely smiled was. I live with my mom who is single and my 2 younger brothers. I feel like I'm becoming depressed. I want to talk to my mom about to see if I could maybe see a doctor to get help... but my mom has this outrageous temper with me and I'm afraid she'll take my feelings as a joke or try to make me feel bad for being sad in the first place. I've even considered calling a hotline... but I'm afraid my mother will see the number on the phone and react in a negative way. I honestly don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy again and social... but I've just completely lost interest. I spend all day sitting on the computer or the couch just staring at a blank TV. I cry all the time now. I can't seem to stay asleep either. I CAN fall asleep... I just wake up so many times during the night. Like I said, I want to see a doctor to get help... but my mom.... I don't know what to do about it. Does anyone know either how I should go about talking to my mom about it... or maybe ways to try and treat this myself? Without taking prescriptions or seeing a psychiatrist? Please take me seriously, I know I'm only 15... but my feelings are real and I feel I've run out of options. Your help is appreciated.

Comments

Posted by Anonymous on January 19, 2011 at 11:13 AM

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Posted by Miranda Brown on December 27, 2010 at 10:16 PM

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You know, that's normal. I felt similar from middle school to highschool. Honestly, it's normal for most people. I was the same way for three years straight and then after it would just kinda come in and out at random points in time. It partly has to do when the chemical reacions that might be going on in your body right now, because I assume you're maturing at this point--hormones. It is just a phase, it will pass eventually, but it's not the same for everyone. Just stay strong through it. And trust me, drugs should be a last resort. Seeing a counselor would be fine, but it depends on the kind you see. I would recommend seeing one that you can talk with, but who doesn't give you pills rather than one who does both.

Posted by Anisah LovesThestory on December 23, 2010 at 12:16 AM

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Hi.. i understand. when i read it i could totally relate except im a bit older than you. There have been times recently where i just dont want to talk to people, i want everyone to leave me alone. But i told myself over and over that im NOT depressed and i just want to be alone. My little chat and the internet believe it or not kept me from going into a depression of sorts. It was too the point where outsiders thought i was depressed!

My household always was tense, my parents seemed like they were getting to the point of wanting to get a divorce, my brother was lashing out all of the time, i was stressing about college... i had to get good grades, i had to prove sorts of things to myself. I felt like i didnt have friend support and i still feel like i dont!. I too can fall asleep, but my brain would never go to sleep. My problem is that i over think everything. I tend to think about my self last rather than first...and i had to learn that the hard way. I also set high standards for my self that i dont have the capability to do. Here one piece of advice...dont set standards for yourself..just go with the flow.

So im not really here to give you advice im here to say i have empathy.

Posted by Anonymous on December 22, 2010 at 9:12 PM

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OMG ladies! I didn't post the question but I'm so surprised and in a positive way. The first moment i read it, it sounded like myself, but it's amazing to see the giant feedback! somehow felt alone on this one but seems like "im not alone at being alone" as the song says, well ladies I didn't know either if getting professional help at some point I felt like this whole thing was my fault and I should fix it on my own; didn't want to feel like I'm making a big deal and visit a doctor who's gonna tell me "youre fine just try to smile more often" cauz I really feel it's serious. And to the main writer I would really recommend a doctor or a professional, sometimes a third point of view from somebody "stranger" works a lot; I would say. That's why I'm determined to do this too. If body can get a bit illed sometimes, why can't brain too?

Posted by Anonymous on December 22, 2010 at 5:43 PM

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I'm 19 and know EXACTLY how you feel. At 17, I prayed every night in bed for God to just end everything (I consider myself agnostic, and praying was a big step for me), and being disappointed when I woke up to the same old feelings. I remember walking through the school halls like a zombie; teachers, friends, and my parents would talk to me, but it was like nothing ever hit me.....like I was trapped in a soundproof room and I just couldn't hear anything. I'm now still overcoming the huge sadness I felt for a long time, and it's difficult. But just know that even when you feel that no one may care, at least ONE person does. It's hard to take the first step to reach out, but when you do it really helps. I find even just listening to your favorite music or laughing at an old movie can be a mood booster. But just know that IT DOES GET BETTER. And what youre feeling WILL GO AWAY. This takes time (months, maybe even years) but it will happen I promise.
As for your mom situation, I can also relate. My mom and I are not close at all and my father is out of the picture. Online and anonymous calls are a great idea if you're looking for anonymous advice, but for a more comprehensive and personal approach I recommend talking one on one with your doctor. He/She may be able to create a therapy plan with you and your mom, and can also give you information on group therapy or other ways you can fight this.

Good luck, and stay strong!

Posted by Shelby Rowe on December 21, 2010 at 3:04 PM

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First, I want to say how much I admire you for finding the strength to reach out. I understand that level of desperation. You had mentioned that you are afraid that your mother will see the hotline number on your phone if you reached out, so I wanted to make sure you knew about online crisis chat. You can go to www.arcrisis.org between the hours of 4 PM and midnight and chat privately and anonymously with a trained crisis intervention specialist. When things get overwhelming, its always good to reach out for help!

Posted by Cristina on December 21, 2010 at 12:25 PM

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I've been there too. I never really did anything to help myself get out of the rut as far as speaking to my parents/teachers/counselors. When i graduated high school I took on a full time job and a part time job just so I could be away from people as much as possible. I was going through a difficult time with my high school friends where i was realizing they were not the ones I wanted to be around, but I didn't have anyone else to turn to so I worked. I don't regret that decision because it allowed me to save money which def helped out with paying bills! I'm now out of college and in grad school, during college I was able to meet a new group of friends that I can turn to, although even now sometimes I do start to feel really down and I don't always go to someone for it because I don't want to be a burden on someone else. Things will get better! No matter how hard life gets there will always be something that will keep you going! The above suggestions are good one, high school counselors are there for that reason!! And the Planned Parenthood sounds like a good one too, I never knew they had that there.

Posted by Anonymous on December 21, 2010 at 10:52 AM

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if you go to highschool tell to one of ur teachers their that you're really trust and then let her/him talk to ur mom so u can go to a doc..in that way you're mom will take it seriously ..we all been that i feel sad sometimes and i hate even my best friends ..thinking all im do in this life is wrong and no one talking me for granted but this take a while then i back to the real me that out going person...so dont be worry..for me i think its only amatter if time and every thing will be ok..jsut try to hung out alot with ur friends...best of luck =)..cheer up =)

Posted by Anonymous on December 21, 2010 at 10:52 AM

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Posted by Christina Ramos on December 21, 2010 at 10:51 AM

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wow, as a 37 year old woman, this completely brought me back to my youth. my single mom was an emotional abuser...to the point of which i named her Transformer because i never knew what mom was going to come home from work. so scary! i tried talking to my grandmother but she always took my mom's side. i felt like i was in prision. the only thing that help me was to talk to my girlfriends and make myself busy. i took a part-time job and worked so that i would hardly ever be home. this is not what i'm suggesting but as a health care provider now, i would urge you to reach out to your local PlannedParenthood because they have the funds to provide free counseling for you (Title X funds). and your mom will never know because it's confidential. not sure what state you live in but i hope there's a PP nearby? they can really help! it will get better...don't give up! you are beautiful and strong and you will more than survive, you will thrive!