Question: I am just posting this as I...
Posted by Anonymous on April 19, 2012 at 11:53 AM
I hate myself for going along with this and having kids. At one point in our relationship, he was going to leave me because I didn't want to have kids right then and I felt if he left me, I would have absolutely nothing and no where to live. So I gave him kids. I do know now that I should have just ended the relationship there and then, but what's done is done.
The past two years have been absolute hell. Constant arguing and bickering, and at one point he got violent, but I stayed and tried to sort things out for the kids' sake. He's an awesome father, but we are not an awesome couple. We are complete opposites. We grew apart a long time ago and I've emotionally and physically worn myself out trying to make it work. I dont want to take the kids away from a stable life because I never had a stable life when I was a kid and I know how hard it can be. Leaving just seems like the only option.
I would still see my kids, but I couldnt take them with me. I want to study, get a job, and travel. I've put my entire life on hold to support my husband and help him with his career and its made me hate him. I've spoken to him about how I need to live my life and he agrees, and has said I can go away for two weeks, but I can't see myself wanting to come back to this life. And to make things even worse for myself, I've started talking to a guy in the UK that I have clicked so well with, and I never usually get on so well with people. I'm a very anti-social person, he's in the same situation minus the kids.
My head is such a mess right now and I'm in desperate need of advice. Also, we have tried counselling twice in the past and it only seems to act like a bandaid. It always just ends up falling apart again. I've spoken to family and friends about it and I've been told to just leave him before it gets any worse. Please help!