GirlsGuideTo | Question: I've been in a happy relationship with...

I've been in a happy relationship with a man for two years who I love and trust completely and makes me happy. We're best friends, confidantes and I know he would move mountains for me if I asked. However, it's been dawning on me recently that, at least on my part, we've only ever been content and comfortable with each other, but wasn't a problem before recent events.

What drove it home to me was when I developed a 'crush' (for want of a better word) on a co-worker. This is really unusual for me. I expected it to go away but it hasn't. It has only developed with time. Though nothing has happened between us, and never will, the thrill and skipping heatbeats I get when I see him or talk to him is more than anything I've ever had with my boyfriend. It's not as if this person is a known womaniser and he's also not found so devastatingly attractive by all women as I seem to find him.

The bottom line is, I'm wracked with guilt and feel absolutely terrible! For me, even thinking the way I am about another person is cheating. I've gone out of my way to avoid him, to not speak with him and to pretend he's not there but it's so hard since I'm working closely with the person.

My question is this. Am I just thinking the grass is greener on the other side and that this is just a thing that happens when you're in a relationship with someone for a long time? Or am I being selfish and unfair to both myself and my boyfriend by continuing this relationship if I feel this way? Please help me girls! I'm really inexperienced with relationships. Any and all advice would be so greatly appreciated!

Comments

Posted by Anonymous on June 7, 2011 at 11:34 PM

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I don't agree Honesty is the key to good relationships... I once had a crush actually not even that... With this other guy while talking I was just teasing him since he liked me and I said "lets just practice saying,that way u may feel good" We practised just "practised" no feelings nothing, the next day I told my friend that I am sorry if u had been emotional but I weren't. I told this whole thing to my boyfriend with detail info... but he didn't care to listen to me, instead he accused me with my whore character and blah blah blah... So honesty is the cheap thing to be...X-(

Posted by Anonymous on May 18, 2011 at 11:17 PM

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thank you so much for your honest and personal advice! I will try it as you suggested. I wish you all the best in your situation, whatever you decide.

Posted by Anonymous on May 17, 2011 at 3:38 PM

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When I had this happen I did not tell my boyfriend I had a crush. I did tell him that I was concerned about the level of passion in our relationship and told him it was something I wanted to work on. I told him that I didn't know if Passion or that zing feeling is something you can work on, but we have tried. It has improved about 50%. I still haven't decided if this is something I can live with or if I need to move on to be fair to both of us. But that's me, and I highly suggest having a conversation with your boyfriend about what exactly you think your relationship is missing and how you can work on that together. Then you will be in a better place to make the next decision.

Posted by Anonymous on May 17, 2011 at 1:20 PM

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I think it depends on how things have been going with your current boyfriend. if things are going okay, but you're still lusting after this other guy, maybe it's meant to be.
however, if you've been having fights with him, or you feel like you've been "losing your spark", maybe you have developed feelings for this other guy as a subconscious "back up guy".
you don't know you're doing it, but you sense that your relationship is about to end, so you're subconsciously "keeping an eye out" for new guys to fill his place when you break up.

but on the other hand, maybe you really are in love with this coworker. either way,
the appropriate thing to do is TELL your boyfriend about these feelings you've been having.
honesty is the key to good relationships. good luck.