Question: There is a guy that I either...
Posted by Anonymous on June 26, 2012 at 5:34 PM
He has a lot going on in his life right now and doesn't want a relationship, which I understand. But I feel like I shouldn't keep waiting around for him. Why can't I get over him? I need advice and help, please!
From the Expert: Jenn Clark
Alright, sweetheart. I think now is the time for you to hear a little tough love. I hope you're ready, because here it goes...
No matter what you might think or feel or hope, this guy is NOT the guy for you. How could he be? From what you've written, it doesn't seem like he's all that nice to you. In fact, it sounds like he'll come around when it's convenient for him. He'll kiss you when it's convenient for him. He'll give you attention when it's convenient for him. What, exactly, are you getting out of this so-called friendship except heartache, confusion, and grief?
All too often, women make excuses for men and their bad behavior.
"He's just not ready for a relationship."
"He's afraid of commitment."
"The last girl he went out with broke his heart."
"He's so busy right now."
We've all been there and we've all said those type of things. And once we convince ourselves that it could work at some point in the future, we'll begin the arduous task of hanging in there and hoping he changes his mind. The truth is that a man who really likes you and wants to treat you well doesn't play games with you and your heart. Instead, he'll be straight-up and will do his best to keep his promises. He'll be consistent and available - both emotionally and physically. He won't act like you're a casual thing or someone he could take or leave. When a man truly likes a woman and is serious about her, he conducts himself in a way that doesn't cause her to be plagued by doubts and uncertainties.
I am positive this guy knows how you feel about him and I'm skeptical that a "serious talk" would benefit you in any way. He knows how much you're willing to give because you give it. He knows that he can do very little to secure your affection and you'll put up with it. He can throw you scraps of attention here and there and knows you'll wait for him to come around again. That is not the behavior of the man of your dreams. Quite frankly, that's not even the behavior of a true friend. Think about it: If you had a girlfriend who treated you this way, would you put up with it? Probably not. Women should never accept behavior from a man that they wouldn't accept from a female friend.
Why can't you get over him? Because you aren't allowing yourself the opportunity to do so. You're hanging onto the hope that the outcome will be different than what is happening right now. To paraphrase what a friend told me today: Women want to believe in the fantasy ending instead of objectively looking at the reality of their present situation. Now is the time for you to do that. You're absolutely correct when you say that you can't keep waiting around for him. So I say it's time to end the fantasy, move on, and clear the path for a man who treats you the way you want and deserve to be treated.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page: www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r