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Question: I just moved into my dorm as...

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Posted by Anonymous on August 19, 2011 at 12:44 PM

I just moved into my dorm as a college freshman. I'm going through a lot of emotions right now. I am nervous, excited, and sad. Mostly, I miss my parents. But I'm also very confused. I have been dating this really amazing guy for almost two months. He buys me flowers, makes me mix CD's, buys me dinner and opens car doors for me. He is so sweet and he makes me laugh. I know it was fast, but I've fallen in love with him. But the thing is, I HATE long-distance relationships. He goes to college two hours away. I almost feel like it would be less painful to break up. How can I make this transition easier for both him and myself?

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Talk to each other constantly, on the phone, online, through texting, on skype.
I actually started dating this guy two weeks before I started going to college. Our relationship is also long distance, but we've made it work. We talk to each other every day and we pick out a day each week to spend with each other. It might be easier for us because he works for himself so he can pick his own work ours, but we make sure to see each other once a week--unless one of us is on vacation not with the other--and we make sure to talk to each other every day, even if it's just a 'good morning' and 'good night' text. We are also very open with each other and very honest. We've been together for 2 years now and I don't see us ending any time soon.

So make sure that you guys talk every day, let him know how much you care, don't be afraid to say how much you miss him and how much it hurts to miss him and try to plan a date every week. Maybe even keep the day consistent. My boyfriend and I see each other fridays every week, then that way we only spend exactly 6 days away from each other each week instead of 2 one week and 10 then next or something like that.

Though, I do have to say, you seem like you're giving up a little too easily on this, especially since you say you're in love with him. However, you are still in the honeymoon period, it sounds like. After three months, things start to get really tough: just a warning. My advice is to do what I've told you and, if you claim to be in love with like you have, then stick with it. Don't just give up on love because you've got time and space keeping you apart. If you're going to claim to love someone like that, to be in love with them, then go in it with all of yourself, don't just half-ass it and say, "well, now we've got miles between us. Let's not be together anymore." If you think he's amazing and that you'd be amazing together, if you think that the pain that might come with distance is worth it, if you think that he is worth it, then stick with it. However, if you don't think that holding onto what sounds like an amazing and rare guy is worth the effort, then I suggest you break it off right now. Cause you don't deserve holding onto an obligation, and he doesn't deserve being strung along.
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I went through the same problems asyou did when I was a freshman a few years ago. Being away from the ones you love most (friends, family, boyfriend) can be a really tough transition. I think everyone changes profoundly in the first year of college, and lots of things will change, for better or worse. But once you get used to all the changes, you won't miss your parents as much and you will love the independence that comes with college life!
As for the boyfriend issue, I had a boyfriend living 3 hours away from me, and it was extremely hard to keep the relationship afloat. Long-distance relationships can be tricky. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend so that I could focus on getting settled and establishing my new life. But my roommate (who also had a boyfriend 3 hours away) is still with her boyfriend to this day, and they recently got engaged!
So my advice would be to listen to your heart and judge for yourself what is the right thing to do. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't, but you will have to make the final call. It all depends on if you are both willing to put in the effort it takes to maintain the relationship.
Good luck to you and enjoy your newfound freedom! :)
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