Question: I'd been dating this guy for about...

Thank you, all 3 of you girlies. It's nice to have perspective from someone on the outside who feels my pain. Thanks again. "Here I go again on my own." :)

I have never personally dealt with this. My father never left me, but he was abusive. However, that affected me in a way that it normally wouldn't. Most girls with abusive fathers tend to seek out men who will also abuse them because that's all they know and that's what they know a 'real man' to be. But for me, I thought the opposite. I never wanted that. So I have liked guys in the past who were the ideal opposite, but it never really went anywhere because I did kind of the same thing: I would push them away in some way or another. That was when I was younger though. I'm only 19 now, but I've found a great guy and for a long while I did continue to push him away. He stuck with me though and never gave up on liking me. Three years later I finally decided to go for it, take a chance. I went into it expecting him to break up with me, but instead he said, "I love you," which completely surprised me. Once he made it plain that he wasn't going anywhere, then I allowed myself to really feel close to him and open myself up to him. It was hard to do, it was full of embarrassment cause I'm very odd, and we had very many discussions. I let him know why I was so resistant in the beginning and it took him a while to understand it, but eventually he did and we have the most honest relationship I've ever had with anyone.

I think what it takes is understanding yourself first and accepting yourself for exactly who you are, and then once you have that then there is really no fear to share yourself with anyone else. It is a difficult process and it might take a while. To start with, try to do things that you wouldn't normally do or date someone that you wouldn't normally date. For example, if you normally don't speak your mind, then try to speak your mind--in a proper location and, of course, as long as it won't offend anyone too badly--just to see how it feels. It's also important to be more open minded. Gradually open your mind to things your mind was originally closed off to, such as staying away from the Macho Man and going for a Sweet Guy. And try not to expect something big, and when starting out, don't shoot to fall in love with the Sweet Guy. Not every guy will be able to understand where you're coming from, but someday one guy will, and I think that would be the guy that you should hold on to: the guy who'll treat you how you want to be treated, who you can be yourself with.

I feel like I'm rambling now, but I really do wish you the best. Remember, stay open minded and take a few chances. Good luck. 8]

I've been having the same issues. My current boyfriend is a sweetheart. He is everything my father wasn't. I was abused (in too many ways to count) and because of that I've kinda... well I'm now known as a man hater lol. My thought about men has always been "They'll do you wrong any time they can just cause they can." My current boyfriend hasn't done anything to prove this right though. He's the opposite of my father and every other man I've ever dated. I've been like you, keeping my self at arms length to survive.

There are times I roll my eyes at him cause he gets... romantic or sweet and I'll even make gagging sounds cause it's making me "sick". He laughs it off though, knowing my issues and knowing me for a long time I suppose he's become used to this. The only advice I can give you is to not push "wimpy" guys away. I mean, they seem a little... weak but they are strong when it counts. The "wimpy" ones are always the first ones who will protect you should the need arise and the first one to kiss away any hurt. The "Macho man" doesn't care enough to do that. He's too worried about how it will effect his street cred.

Having an absent father is hard, my husbands father was absent until he was 16. I don't know what you are going through and I am not going to pretend to know.

I have pushed guys away, only because I didn't trust the guy with my body. I was sexually assaulted twice in my teen age years. It was absolutely horrid it ruined my self esteem and trust in guys.

Once I married my husband I decided it was time to go see someone if I was going to make the marriage work. I underwent a treatment called EMDR it has your subconscious work out the problems you are facing (usually he chose the problem from a list I made).

It really helped me to get over A LOT of things. I am not say it is for everyone, but if it helps you break this wall down that is stopping you from dating and trusting men with your heart.

Now to answer those questions: 1- I can't tell you what is important for you, that is for you to find out while you grow. 2- You may have made a mistake, but you will learn from it. 3- Everyone struggles with trust issues it just depends on what the underlying reason is.

I truly hope you figure this out and are able to grow and break down this wall. I wish you the best of luck.