Question: What is love? When is it real?...
Posted by Anonymous on July 17, 2012 at 7:46 PM
From the Expert, Jenn Clark:
I love this question! Why? Because we all struggle with it. Figuring out whether or not love is the “real thing” can be confusing, can’t it? How many times have we thought we were “in love,” only to realize that what we felt was extreme attraction, lust, or a lot of temporary passion? It is often difficult to determine what “love” really is.
At it’s best, I think love is a combination of both emotional feelings and rational thinking. We shouldn’t think we are “in love” with a guy simply because he’s hot and has a great sense of humor. Those may be great things to base an attraction on, but attraction is different than love. And attraction without love will fade in time.
I believe that real love can only happen once you get to know a person -- the good, bad, and ugly -- and are content with who they are. Does this mean that things will always be perfect, that they won’t (at times) upset you, or that there will never be conflict? No way. Loving someone means that you accept their flaws as well as all the wonderful things about them.
Keep in mind that just because we love someone, it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily the right person for us. If you love a man but he does things that you know you can’t live with -- things that you would want to change in order to be happy with him for the long haul -- it’s not the right relationship. Sometimes, loving someone isn’t enough for a relationship to survive. Those are the times when you have to love yourself more than the other person. Knowing yourself, being true to yourself, and not settling for less than you deserve is actually what makes for the most successful relationships.
At the same time, looking for love shouldn’t be about chasing after a “fairy tale.” Fairy tales are called that for a reason: because they don’t exist in real life. If you’re expecting a Prince Charming to magically sweep you off your feet and provide you with your “Hollywood ending,” you’ll set yourself up for disappointment. No man will be perfect and expecting a perfect relationship is completely unrealistic.
When it comes to finding “true love,” women should use both their hearts and their heads. If there are deal breakers you shouldn’t ignore, don’t ignore them -- no matter how much you think you love him. At the same time, you can’t expect your love life to resemble a Disney movie or a romantic comedy. There will be plenty of days that your guy will seem more like a frog than a prince. But as long as you’re both putting forth the effort to make the relationship work, there’s no reason why you can’t find your “happily ever after.”
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page:www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r