Question: I have a big dilemma. I recently...
Posted by Anonymous on August 14, 2012 at 7:54 PM
From the expert, Jenn Clark:
Let me start out by saying that jealousy is a big deal. It harms relationships and is usually an indicator of deeper problems such as insecurity and the desire to control another person. Further, jealousy rarely goes away. Your ex’s jealousy is probably a lot less about your behavior and much more about him and his issues. So if you’re wondering if you did the right thing by breaking up with your boyfriend, it sounds like you did.
It seems to me the real trouble here is that you are contemplating going back to a relationship that is unhealthy due to a fear of being alone. Girlfriend, this is one of the worst mistakes a woman can make in love. You should never be willing to settle simply because you want to settle down. It is always better to be single than in a bad relationship! And you need to remind yourself of this every time you want to get back together with him.
Contrary to what you might think, having children won’t prevent you from finding a new relationship. If that were the case, single moms would never meet men. Divorced women with kids would not get remarried. Yet this happens all of the time! Sure, having kids can make it a bit trickier when it comes to dating, but it absolutely won’t preclude you from finding someone else. So the first thing you need to do is rid yourself of these negative thoughts.
In fact, wanting to protect your children will also help you to protect yourself. Do you really want them to see you in a troubled relationship? What you had with your ex shouldn’t be their model for male/female relationships, nor should you ever settle for anything that is sub-par. Not only will you hurt yourself, but you will hurt your children as well. And that fact should drive you to only accept the best. So hold out for a man who is not just willing to, but also worthy of becoming a part of their lives.
Lastly, when we are going through a break-up, it takes a while to get over a former love. It just does. Instead of rushing to meet someone else, allow yourself this time. If we try to fill the void a man has left with a new one (and before we are truly ready to move on), we often feel a longing for the previous one. We’ll compare and contrast the two and focus on where the new guy falls short. So I say wait a bit before jumping into a new relationship (or into bed). Concentrate on yourself and your children. When we are strong and happy as individuals, that’s when we usually find the healthiest relationships.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page:www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r