Question: How do I get my roommate away...

No matter what, your friend is not going to listen. I was in a similar situation when I was a junior in high school. My best friend at the time was dating this loser who kept verbally abusing her and maybe even physically abusing her, but I was right in the middle. It's honestly a long story, but I tried with everything I had in me to get her away from him. They were separated for a while and she told me she wouldn't dare go back out with him, but low and behold she did. She told me he had changed and that she really loved him, so who am I to stop someone from being with the one they love, even if he did treat her like crap? Things just got worse and we went our separate ways because I just couldn't take the drama anymore. She eventually quit school and got pregnant by him and from what I understand the relationship is much worse than it ever was. Your friend is just going to have to deal and learn the hard way. Best of luck to the both of you.

If you push her to leave him she won't.. She will ALWAYS find excuses for his behavior. And even she does leave him, she will soon come back to him again. Unfortunately, the only way you can help her is to open her eyes (but don't push) and be there for her.. She has to make the big decision. She has to confront him, her fears, the facts and what he've done of her life. And she has to leave him. Forever.

i was in a relationship like ur roommate. i knew i was stupid to be with the guy, he made me miserable. no matter what my friends & family did or said, i stayed with him...don't even really know why. i even avoided some of my loved ones because i was so ashamed & tired of hearing them tell me to break up with the jerk.
unfortunately, u will have to just let her figure it out on her own. who knows how long it will take for her to kick him to the curb, it took me 7 years!!!
i can only imagine how hard it must be to watch ur friend put up with such a jerk :(

I tried and I failed myself. I had a friend in high school who dated a guy who was a total jerk to her. He would not allow her to wear any makeup (save maybe a little foundation) and no revealing or form fitting clothes (she seriously wore long sleeve t-shirts, a jacket and overalls ALL THE TIME!). They broke up numerous times and I tried to get her to stay single and have some time to herself and talk to other guys, once she'd start opening up he'd suddenly come back, they'd get back together and he would yell at me for being a "bad influence".
A lot of the time, girl's like that are lost causes, they won't leave the guy until they're ready (if they ever feel enough selfworth to find someone who deserves them that is). As for my (some-what former) friend, she's married to the guy now and I have little to no contact with her. It's sad sometimes and I do wish them the best, but I still don't agree that they should be together (especially considering other circumstances such as why they got married (hint: baby))

I tried and I failed myself. I had a friend in high school who dated a guy who was a total jerk to her. He would not allow her to wear any makeup (save maybe a little foundation) and no revealing or form fitting clothes (she seriously wore long sleeve t-shirts, a jacket and overalls ALL THE TIME!). They broke up numerous times and I tried to get her to stay single and have some time to herself and talk to other guys, once she'd start opening up he'd suddenly come back, they'd get back together and he would yell at me for being a "bad influence".
A lot of the time, girl's like that are lost causes, they won't leave the guy until they're ready (if they ever feel enough selfworth to find someone who deserves them that is). As for my (some-what former) friend, she's married to the guy now and I have little to no contact with her. It's sad sometimes and I do wish them the best, but I still don't agree that they should be together (especially considering other circumstances such as why they got married (hint: baby))

I am in a similar situation. My best friend won't leave the guy who EVERYBODY knows, including her that he has cheated on her a couple of times and keeps doing it because he lives away from her now. He also says things such as "you're ugly" or "get pretty so that we can go out." So, not only is this a relationship harmful but now it is a LDR in which she is planning on being faithful to him and keeps saying she will "make it work." It's very frustrating for me to see that happening to my best friend but all I could do is be there for her when she wants me to be and listen. I also try to tell her general things that won't be specific to her relationship but that, if she wants to really analyze, she will notice that they are saying what's best for her.

It's a shame that I can't just open her brain and make her understand that that is a harmful relationship for her even if he doesn't beat her.

i think that advice helped me too. my roomate is going through the same thing only theyre are still together and i am the only one that has stayed her friend this long and ive been dealing with their fighting for 2 years and it never gets better only worse. and she always say no one will ever know how much i love him but shes losing everything for him and she just chose him over her family. its such a sad situation and it effects everyone around her. i just want her to move on and find someone that she deserves because she is literally alone if im not there for her because when he brings her down she doesnt have anybody to talk to . he makes her cry mostly everyday or makes her angry and it is hard to stand by and watch it happen knowing that my words dont make her find a better path to follow.
im sorry that youre friend is in the position and you are too. i hope that she chooses a different way this time and finds someone better for her.

I don't know where to start. I can always try though. So, lets see. First off... I know your situation, very well. I have been on both sides of the court. The friend and the one being abused. Currently my friend is in an abusive relationship that she refuses to say is abusive. I can't blame her though. Her parents are very much the same way her boyfriend is. However, in my past I had settled up with several boyfriends who would sexually abuse me and mentally. Not stopping their they also cheated on me. So I've been on the ins and out of this game and I've seen how it ends. No one, when I was in those relationships told me that they were dangerous for me. No one wanted to help me so I had to learn to help my self. It took me a long time but now I'm in a good relationship. My boyfriend is a great guy. He'd never hurt me and cherishes the ground I walk on. We both thank god every day we found each other.

Some stories don't end like that though. All I can suggest you do is be there for her. I'm there for my best friend every day. She calls, she cries and I listen. However, I have also made sure her boyfriend knows... I don't play games. I made sure that both my friend and her boyfriend know how I feel about them being together, but I promised her through what ever she goes through I'm there to pick up the pieces. If you express to your friend in just the right way and right words, she will understand your point of view or at least glimpse it through her rose colored glasses.

Perhaps another good idea would be to share some stories of other girls who have been in not so safe relationships. So that she questions things about her relationship with this guy. Make her look at the pain others have gone through and help her find similarities in her relationship with him. It might help.

I'll tell you about my first boyfriend if you choose to take this route. I thought he was great. He treated me so well at first. I had always had issues with my self-esteem and he made me feel better about my self. Days went by and slowly he began to change. I'd hear things like "God your fat." Or "Why are you so stupid!?" When ever I'd ask him a question or say something. Things began to quickly escalate, too quick for me to even see them. One day we were just talking and the next he was on top of me. He knew my view point on how far I was willing to go in a relationship. We were still very young and I didn't want to lose everything I had going school wise. I wanted to wait till I was married. He used to laugh when I'd say that and say "Who'd marry a fat idiot like you?" Which would make me feel horrible and I'd curl up beside him thanking what ever person sent him to me cause no one would want me. He enjoyed when I got like that and I was too blind to see the obvious grins of pleasure on his face. The day I found him on top of me I was able to fight him off, but that didn't stop him from trying again and again cause I stayed with him. When I finally pulled away from him... I was scared of everyone and everything. If something moved even an inch I jumped.

But thank god I'm away from that now. Let your friend know how you feel, but do it with the right words or you will drive her more towards him. As friends it is our job to protect our friends from ending up in harms way. We don't want to chase them there.

I was in an abusive relationship for two years,
and it took me a year,
and three other relationships,
to give up.

The problem with relationships like that is that sometimes the guy will make you feel like you "need" him, and you have that slight glimmer of hope that maybe he'll change, and all that time you spent on him won't be a total waste. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes it's hard to look at things logically when someone is manipulating you. You can try to push her away from him all you want, but nothing will stand in her way if he truly feels compelled to go back to him. From what my friends did, I know that it will help if you express to her how scared you are, because yes, verbally abusive relationships can get physical. I never thought that guy would lay a finger on me, but he ended up backhanding me in the face, throwing me against a car, headbutting me, and literally raping me, not to mentioning cheating on me by sexually abusing a fourteen year old girl. You need to show your friend you love her, forget how annoying it is for you; your friend is in serious trouble, and she could end up in the hospital, or even worse, DEAD if this gets out of hand. It's your job to prevent that. Also, I suffer from severe depression and anxiety now, all because of what he did to me. So make sure to be a steady shoulder for her to lean on, and show her how much you care.

Ya, at the end of the day, it'll need to be her decision to shut this guy out of her life. Your job is to be supportive of her...not encouraging her to be in an abusive relationship, but to listen when she needs AND wants you to.

It sucks. I hope she comes around.