GirlsGuideTo | Question: I'm cheating on my fiancee. I have...

I'm cheating on my fiancee. I have been with him for 6 years. We have 2 young children together. We were until recently due to get married next year, but I cancelled the wedding. For about 3 years now, I have realised I no longer have the same feelings for him as I once had. He is so lovely, genuine and such a family man. The problem is, we are 2 completely different people. He wants the settled quiet life and feels he has reached his life's ambition. I, on the other hand, can't bare this life. There is so much I want to do and experience. We have been together since we were young teenagers and fell pregnant after only being together half a year. A few instances have made me see him in a different light, which broke my heart. I obviously never really knew him to begin with. I'm no longer attracted to him, but see him as a really good friend. He has absolutey no interest in doing things with me, works really long hours and takes me completely for granted. We in essence, lead completely different lives. He is home long after the children are in bed, and is away long before they wake up. We prefer to go out separately as we tend to not have fun if we go out together. But, he still loves me. I love him, I really do, but no longer in that way. If it weren't for the children and other complications, I believe we would have finished long ago. I recently joined an adult dating website and have met up with someone from it. Even though we never had sex, we still got pretty far. The problem is, I don't actually feel guilty about it. I would love to just finish it with my partner but unfortunately can't due to complications. I'm so confused as to what I should do. Anybody ever been in a similar situation?? Help please.

Comments

Posted by Aimee-Lauren Stott on November 13, 2009 at 5:42 AM

honey, you need to get outta this as your already in so deep.
waiting longer will only hurt the kids, him and yourself more.
you said hes a loving dad - you two dont sound like lovers so not alot will change - and his relationship with the kids wont either :)

Posted by Kristie Flournoy on October 14, 2009 at 11:21 AM

Listen to Lisa, she knows what she's talking about.

Posted by Caterina Barbaro on October 14, 2009 at 4:03 AM

There are lots of reasons people cheat. And you have no right ti judge, you may cheat one day, and you;ll learn that people don;t enjoy cheating, you feel terrible after. you can't judge someone based on mistakes, when you don't know how you would act in that situation.

Posted by Rosie Monica-Senula on October 10, 2009 at 8:23 AM

First and foremost you need to be happy. If you are unhappy then the family dynamic will suffer. If you choose to leave, make sure it's for yourself and for your kids. Don't do it for anyone else. This new relationship may be just the reason you need to end your current one. You have one life to live. Live it with happiness and the assurance that the decisions you make are what is best for you and your children.

Posted by Anonymous on October 10, 2009 at 2:30 AM

I agre!! Break upp with him!

Posted by Lisa Taylor on October 9, 2009 at 11:15 PM

My advice is simple: Don't stay in it if your heart isn't in it.

Sure you, the kids and your partner will feel hurt at first. But life is full of up's and down's. we can't have it all good, we have to mix in some of the bad too.

Posted by Anonymous on October 9, 2009 at 9:20 PM

I was in a relationship for six years and I found myself becoming financially dependant on him because I was still in school and couldn't find a job. He also used money as a way to keep me with him. Eventually we finally split because he and I didn't want the same things at the same time. He wanted to get married ASAP and I wanted to get my degree and live more before getting married. So he gave me the ultimatem: Marry him, or break it off completely. You can probably guess what my choice was. It was hard at first because I was quickly loosing my money that I needed so badly to eat and such, but I went to people I trusted for help. It seems scary when you think that your means of money is leaving, but once its gone you find that its not as bad as you thought it would be. You're happier because its finally over with what your major stresses were with the other person. Best of luck.

Posted by Brette Borow on October 9, 2009 at 6:32 PM

I agree... I created this site to help each other not hurt each other... You may not agree with something someone is doing/has done but judging the person doesn't help anyone.

Posted by Anonymous on October 9, 2009 at 6:10 PM

we shouldn't be here to judge but to help.

Posted by Anonymous on October 9, 2009 at 6:03 PM

I am in nearly the exact same situation, difference being we actually did get married. We've been together for 15 years married for 1/2 of it. I believe there was another post on here called something like, When to Stay and When to Go, which deals with an issue like this. I was amazed to see how many women felt the same! I have also cheated, I have one guy that I see regularly. My husband cheated on me before I ever even considered it but I know, it doesn't make it right. We have two children together, he is a great dad, and I have to say that in general, he's a pretty good guy. I love him as a friend. That;s the only way I ever loved him though. This is a tough situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My heart goes out to you. I did some internet research and learned often women get married because they feel that is what they are supposed to do and that they must do it within a certain time frame, so they settle. That's what I think happened to me. I have no advice because I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I even spoke to my husband about my feelings, it only mades life here unbearable and made him keep trying to make me love him. It was awful, hard to see him hurt, hard to deal with him hanging all over me. I'm sure you'll get some negative replies; I just wanted you to know you are not alone.