Some tips on being POSITIVE!

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:34:58 -0500

Now I’m not saying these things will work for you, they’re just some things I’m accustomed to doing or things I have come across and wanted to try.

Ready?

Eating Right and Exercising: Yep, that’s right and while it might sound like torture to you, it’s peace of mind to me. Feeling like complete poop after skipping a gym session or eating McDonalds is something I can honestly live without. Don’t get me wrong, we are entitled to treats and such, and if your body says no to the gym then give it a rest. What I am talking about though are those days filled with sheer laziness and greed. Those days always end in guilt and that I just don’t need!
Eliminating the Negative: If mid convo, text, IM etc I start to feel badly about myself, I immediately remove the thoughts and if not I end the conversation. It’s hard to do so when consoling a friend who is only focused on the pain they’re feeling but for other issues, I am spot on. For example I recently decided to take a twitter break because I didn’t want to see what and how well my ex was doing. Whether it’s real, a facade, a coping mechanism, etc, it didn’t make me feel better unless I am doing just as well or better. I decided to remove myself from the situation for awhile. I was allowing my imagination and thoughts to drive me crazy, and until they could calm down this seemed best.
Positive Affirmations: I have little sheets of paper filled with Yetti-Goodness EVERYWHERE, on my fridge, on my bedroom door, on the bathroom mirror, in my purse, in my cubicle, in my car… you name it, it’s there! I use them as little reminders that I am great, smart, beautiful, etc. I also have a list where I put everything I like about myself and as the days go on my list grows!
Vision Board/Visualization: Now if you haven’t realized it by now, I am quite the indecisive human being, some pick at it as a flaw, but I simply see it as me. I want to do a lot… I want to do everything, be a Jill of all trades and with visualization I am able to kind of structure my thoughts and desires. This is where the vision-board comes in . I have placed everything I want to do on my vision board. Meet my goal weight & body? It’s on there! My dream job (for now)? It’s on there, even little things like hair length and vacations are on there. They kind of keep me focused and serve as a constant reminder of what I am working towards to become a happier Yetti
Be Nice To Others: I love to help people out because when I can make someone else happy it makes me happy! I’m a people pleaser what can I say! Please keep in mind there is a difference between helping someone out, being fake and over extending yourself. You want to help someone out because you genuinely want to, not just because it makes you look good, and you want to do so only if your time allows it. If you’re already overworked, how can you bring yourself joy by giving yourself something else to stress over? It wont work out how it was intended to! Even if it is something little, helping someone with their groceries, a small compliment to brighten someones day, or even advice… it goes a long way! (This is coming from a self-proclaimed bitch sometimes)
Get A Positivity Buddy: My positivity buddies are my aunts in England. No matter what negative thing I say they can negate it. Whenever I’m having a negative moment, they cheer me up and tell me all the things that are going well for me. It’s nice to have people to put things into perspective for you, and are willing to do it constantly until you can learn to do it on your own. Find someone that knows you well and is NOT a Negative Nancy, chances are they can keep you a lot more positive than you think!
Don’t = Do/Can’t = Can: I’m trying to spin my negative sentences into positive ones, and most of them start with “I don’t” or “I can’t”. Instead of “I don’t like how this is turning out,” I’ll say “I do think this will turn out a lot better if I …”. It all goes into how you think of things, ie: Is the cup half full or half empty?

So there you have it! Tools and Tips that I use to get me on the right track to a better self-esteem and a new and brighter view on life.

What things do you do to keep you positive?

Your question

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 17:39:50 -0500

I'm truly with a great guy, who is supporting me through nursing school and bought me a new car because I drive 80 miles one way to class and my truck left me on the side of the road one time too many. I love him! Truly do and not because he's supporting me, but because he is the one who makes me laugh and smile for no reason. But, how do I get past the trapped feeling of having to rely on him and the loss of my independence? I've never depended on anyone I supported my ex-husband for 6 years! How can I accept his help without fear without this failing feeling? It's starting to put a burden on my end of the relationship!

Your question

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 09:30:12 -0500

Hi. I have always been kind of tender hearted/sensitive. I don't know why. But I really think it is part of my problem not only with guys but family. I let stupid stuff get to me and don't mean to. How do I fix this??? HELP!

25 Best Self-Love Tips

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:58:10 -0500

I came across this list a few months ago when I was tired of being my own worst enemy. Instead I wanted to to become my own best friend or at the very least build up my self-esteem. I hope some of you can benefit from it as much as I did.

It's a sweet recipe for self-love that you can indulge in everyday of your life.

1. Take full responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others.
2. Participate in life at the highest level you can. Make a list of 10 things you love doing and do them frequently.
3. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts.
4. Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.
5. Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
6. Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
7. Stop being critical of yourself and others.
8. Take care of your body. Give it exercise and good food.
9. Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes
self-esteem.
10. Associate with others with high esteem.
11. Acknowledge yourself frequently. Even if it's just a diary you keep of your successes and accomplishments.
12. Avoid comparing yourself with others.
13. Remember that it’s who we are, not what we do, that’s important.
14. Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically. Schedule time by yourself.
15. Frequently take deep breaths. Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.
16. Stop trying to change others. Focus your attention on being the way you want others to be.
17. Look into a mirror regularly and say “I love you, I really love you”.
18. Stop feeling guilty and saying “I’m sorry”. See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.
19. Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.
20. Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
21. Accept compliments from others without embarrassment. Don’t invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.
22. Be kind to your mind. Don’t hate yourself for having negative thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.
23. Keep your awareness and your thoughts focused in present time instead of living in the past or future.
24. Acknowledge others frequently. Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.
25. Treat yourself as you would treat someone you really loved. Praise yourself.

Your question

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 15:55:31 -0400

My 19th birthday is almost here and I decided to turn a new leaf. I want to be a better person by my 20th person. The kind of person I always wanted to be I made a top ten list. But I am having a hard time getting the motivation to start it. Any tips?

How to Feel Happier

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 01:33:05 -0400

Here are 12 common causes and proven cures to unhappiness.....

1. Lack of meaning in one’s day to day life.

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” With the modern 9 to 5 work schedule it’s so easy to trap yourself into doing what you don’t want to do for 40 hours every week and then mindlessly waste all your free time being lazy.

Sure you have responsibilities. And no, you won’t be able to do what you want to do every waking minute of your life. But you almost always have a choice to do more of what you really want to do – to work on something that matters to you – something that moves you and gives your life meaning.

You must leave time to follow your inner curiosity and passion. The Happiness Project is a great read on this topic.

2. Obsession with the past or future.

Right now is life. If you dwell on things that happened in the past, or obsess yourself too much with the things that might happen in the future, you’ll miss everything.

Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow. As Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

Oftentimes we fixate our minds on the way things can be, should be, or will be someday. But life always takes place in the present. You never know what the future holds – whether or not you and your loved ones will still have good health or even be alive. The opportunity to enjoy life is now. Make time to do so.

3. Feeling out of shape and unhealthy.

Remember, your health is your life, and your body is the greatest tool you’ll ever own.

If you are a little overweight, cut back on some of the fatty foods, get outside and take a two mile walk every day. Losing extra body fat decreases your health risks, makes you look and feel better, and generally increases your self-esteem and happiness.

Don’t go on binge diets and crash exercise regimens. Instead, gradually change the way you eat and live so you create new health habits that can be sustained for a lifetime. Read The 4-Hour Body for a solid, entertaining read on getting in shape.

4. Unfavorably comparing oneself to others.

When you catch yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, neighbor, friend, or someone famous, stop! Realize that you are different, with different strengths – strengths these other people don’t possess. Take a moment to reflect on all the awesome abilities you have and to be grateful for all the good things in your life.

The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life — a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there, you might have a new destination in mind.

Instead, appreciate where you are and what you have right now. Try comparing yourself to those who have less, those who are dealing with tragedy, and those who are struggling to survive. Hopefully it opens your eyes to all the things you should be grateful for. PS: Help people who have less if you’re able… you’ll see why.

5. Focusing on negatives.

You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects — whether you’re happy or not depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. For instance:

Did you get catch a head cold? At least it’s only a temporary virus and nothing life-threatening.
Did you lose a basketball game? Thankfully you got to spend the afternoon with friends doing something fun and healthy.
Did your stock market savings go down? It’ll bounce back in the long-term. And besides, it’s great that you’ve been diligent and fortunate enough to save a nest egg of savings when many people are barely making ends meet.

You get the idea — almost everything in life has a positive side, and focusing on these positives injects happiness into your atmosphere. So stop concentrating on how difficult things are and why you don’t want to do them. Focus instead on the benefits these things have and the opportunities they will create for you — the positives.

6. Avoiding personal accountability.

Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.

You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. You must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

7. Perfectionism and fear of failure.

If you work hard, do your best and then condemn yourself for not achieving perfection, you’re sabotaging your future. Likewise, if your fear of failure, or of not being perfect, has driven you to take the safe road of doing nothing, you have already failed.

Perfect is the enemy of good. Learn to accept the good – learn to love things when they are less than ‘perfect.’

If you find yourself at a point of intense decision making where you’re caught in a spiral of over-analysis and you’re making no progress, take a deep breath, break the spiral, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong you’ve learned something, which is better than doing nothing. Your failures along the road to your goals are simply opportunities to learn and grow.

Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done.

8. A low self-esteem.

Don’t belittle yourself and don’t put up with people who try to belittle you.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” Boost your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and celebrating them. Acknowledge your positive qualities, and when you come across a quality in yourself that you aren’t proud of, don’t sulk in your sorrows, proactively work on correcting it.
How you view yourself and your world are conscious choices and habits. The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you feel about yourself and everything that happens around you.

9. Financial debt.

The only way to get out of debt is to understand why you’re in debt in the first place.

But the sad truth is, if you’re a spendthrift…

You will not save money when you get your next raise. You will not save money when your car is paid off. You will not save money when your kids are supporting themselves someday. And you wouldn’t even save a dime if I handed you $100,000 in cash right now.

How do I know this?

Because saving money has very little to do with the amount of money you have. In fact, you will only start to save money when saving becomes an emotional habit – when you start treating the money you handle everyday differently. The Millionaire Next Door is an excellent read on eliminating debt and building wealth.

In general, live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.

10. All work and no play.

Fun is way underrated. With all of our responsibilities, fun seems like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Ponder what you did to have fun when you were younger and go do it again. Leave the house messy and the yard un-mowed for a weekend and get out on the town. When you’re older, you will remember the fun, not the clean house or yard.

Go to a carnival, play a card game, shoot darts with a friend, play catch with a kid, etc.

Make time for fun!

11. Neglecting personal relationships.

The quality of our personal relationships correlates directly with our overall sense of worth and happiness. Sometimes in the midst of life’s chaos we forget to do the little things that remind us we’re part of something greater than ourselves. We need a certain amount of meaningful contact with other people to feel fully alive.

Make time for people, even if it’s just a quick meal at lunchtime. It’s worth sacrificing a few minutes here and there to experience life outside your own inner bubble.

And remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

12. Procrastination.

Nothing is so draining and stressful as the eternal presence of an unfinished task.

There are plenty of ways to sabotage your personal happiness, dreams and desires. Procrastination, however, is the number one killer. Procrastinators self-destruct. They hinder their own potential by placing colossal road-blocks along the path to happiness and success. In other words, they subconsciously choose to fail.

Do you put off doing things that would bring you closer to your desired goals? I know I do at times. But why are we so foolish?

It has something to do with how our daily responsibilities overwhelm us. In the midst of all the important things we know we need to do, we somehow convince ourselves that none of these things need to be done right now. In other words, we decide that some peace and relaxation in the short term is what’s most important.

So we take another break, read another blog post, watch another TV show and just kick back and relax. And life is blissfully dandy… for a little while. But then suddenly the inevitable deadline has arrived. Ahhh! It’s panic time!

By taking the time and initiative to understand your own reasons for procrastinating and devoting a little energy to take the necessary steps to move forward, you can beat procrastination. We all can. In fact, simply writing this article was a testament to this. I kept procrastinating on writing it because I lacked focus. So I locked myself in my bedroom, eliminated all distractions, kept the end in mind and started writing. And as usual, starting was the hardest part. Now I’m done.

Your question

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 16:21:23 -0400

Hi girls. I've been struggling with self image for years. I was a bit of a tom boy since before puberty and continued that way until after I graduated high school. I've never had a lot of confidence in myself. I don't really like the person I see in the mirror, but some other people have said that I'm pretty. When my boyfriend says that I'm beautiful, it means the world to me. I'm also not very thin, I lost weight a couple of years ago (I felt like I was on top of the world!), but since then, I've gained it all back. But I've seen some really gorgeous women who aren't thin.

Does anyone have any pointers to gain confidence and learn to love yourself no matter what you look like?

Gratitude: The Key to Abundance

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 14:21:53 -0500

As we begin to approach the Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to express gratitude and appreciation for all that we have. Many of us reserve our gratitude for the “good ol’ times”- the moments when something especially good happens and everything is going well. But gratitude is not meant to be locked away for special occasions. Gratitude is finding value in all circumstances and maintaining an attitude of thanksgiving beyond the holiday season.

If you’re searching for more joy and abundance in your life, you have to start being grateful now! When we learn to practice gratitude on a daily basis, we begin to recognize what’s valuable to us and appreciation some of the “hidden blessings” that are often taken for granted: good health, family, a home, a job, a meal. This doesn’t mean that you have to be complacent with what you have, but if you commit yourself to practicing gratitude on a daily basis, you’ll soon begin to see how a simple shift in perception can help shape your world and add abundance to your life.

According to best-selling author and life coach Mike Robbins, “Gratitude not only makes us feel good, it’s also one of the greatest attractors of abundance, love, peace, success, health, connection and more. The more we focus on what we already have, the wonderful aspects of our lives and what we appreciate, the more we end up having to be grateful for.”

Practicing Gratitude

Being thankful is a conscious decision. Instead of dwelling on what you lack, focus on what you do have. Dr. Robert Holden, author of the best-selling book Happiness Now, suggests:

“To get started, say out loud 10 things you are truly grateful for. Notice what this feels like to hear yourself say it. Are you having fun? Does it feel silly? The gift of gratitude is that it helps you to enjoy your life as it happens, here and now.”

An important part of practicing gratitude is maintaining a positive attitude. Eliminate any aspects of animosity, sarcasm, and self-loathing. In other words, instead of thinking or saying to yourself, “I hate my job, but I am grateful for having one,” ditch the “negative Nancy” talk and focus on the fact that, you have a job! There are so many qualified individuals who are still searching for jobs as a result of the layoffs from the recent recession. Flipping burgers and organizing clothing racks may not be your dream job, but at least you have one.

"A grateful mind is a great mind which eventually attracts to itself great things." -Plato

There will be times in your life when you find it difficult to be thankful. There will be days when it feels like the world around you is crumbling before your eyes. But if you learn to maintain an attitude of hopefulness, secure in the understanding that “this too shall pass,” you will begin to attract more reasons to be grateful. This understanding is the key to a more abundant life.

About the Author:

A former youth counselor with a background in public speaking, Yamarie Negron is now a freelance writer specializing in topics relevant to self-awareness. Throughout high school and college, Yamarie was actively involved with youth outreach and community service programs, to which she credits her desire to help and encourage others.

Aside from being a writer and Internet Advertising Associate for a successful corporation, Yamarie also contributes articles to Hollypinafore.org- A female network dedicated to the empowerment of women.

"Writing and encouraging others has been therapeutic for me throughout some of the darker moments in my life- A way to become motivated and provide support to others," says Yamarie, who believes the key to a successful, positive, more in tuned lifestyle is self-love.

Your question

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 21:04:32 -0400

What do I do about regrets? I feel like there was so much more that I could have done in life and was unable to do it because of my controlling mother and controlling boyfriends. I regret being tied down and told what to do without standing up for myself. I get very depressed for weeks at a time about it and my husband thinks that its him or he's not good enough. I'm just lost.

Your question

Fri, 15 Oct 2010 23:48:40 -0400

Girls what can I do if my self esteem has been on the ground this last days? I hate feeling like this and it's not like I want to but it is just that every time I look in the mirror I see something wrong and almost all of my friends have boyfriends and I'm beginning to ask myself like why don't I have one? Is there something wrong with me? What can I do to have better self esteem?