7 Reasons Men Play Mind-Games

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:01:44 -0500

Have you ever dated a man who's a master at mind-games? You know the whole -- he's hot/he's cold, it's on/it's off, etc... If you said yes then girlfriend... we feel your pain. Ugh! It's horrible, isn't it? The headspins of confusion and frustration causing some of us to feel EVEN more emotional than a bad week of PMS. We're not dumb or desperate yet figuring out why he's playing gmaes can be even more confusing. Maybe he's a total jerk but more than likely it's because of one of the reasons below...

1. They feel emotionally insecure
Some men play games with women because they are emotionally insecure. He is not sure about how he really feels and hence feels that it is better that he plays games rather than expose his emotional insecurity to the woman he is with.

2. They are not ready to show their vulnerable side yet
When a guy is not sure where his relationship is heading and is confused about revealing his real self he begins to play games with the woman he is with. He wants to see how well she actually understands him and once he is sure of the way she will react will he be able to reveal his vulnerable side and stop the games.

3. They try to build intrigue
By playing mind games men also try to build intrigue. In the same way that women use the hard to get strategy, men use the game ploy. By confusing the woman they get her thinking about them to a point she where gets desperate to unravel him.

4. This helps in building interest
Mind games also makes a man interesting. A lot of women don't take interest in men who they can understand easily. A man who plays mind games with her begins to appear more intelligent than the others and thus holds her interest longer.

5. They just like to tease their woman
A lot of men play games with women because they just like to tease the woman they are with. They will blow hot and cold and totally confuse a woman about how they feel about her.

6. They want to project a macho impression
A lot of men want to project a macho alpha male impression. They do so by playing games with women. The more mind games they play, the more the women seem to want him. When a man is completely upfront with a woman she sometimes tends to get turned off. But an alpha male never gets turned down and by playing these mind games holds his woman's interest.

7. He just wants to see how far he can take these games
Some men play mind games just for the fun of it. They like to see the woman's reaction and see how far they can get away with by playing these games. These men generally are quite childish and do it all for a laugh.

Dating Drama: His Future Talk Freaks Me Out

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:01:02 -0500

It's kind of like this. I've heard of the ''guy pull back.''. The "don't say THIS to a guy you are seeing" and many other things like this because you "don't wanna scare him away." Well, I've got a little... backwards, so to say, relationship. I've been seeing this guy for... almost 2 months now. He's great, amazing, treats me like a woman and isn't shy to show the world we are together. But the problem is, he talks about marriage, and kids, and what he wants in life and how he can't wait to see where this relationship goes.
Now, from what I hear, most women would be thrilled to hear a guy talking about this. I'm NOT. It terrifies me. I get scared and just want to run the other direction. I've NEVER thought about getting married, having kids, anything like that. I've never thought about getting married, settling down, having kids. That kind of thing.

Now, I'm having a "girl pull-back'' kind of thing, where he will call me and I won't answer because I don't want to talk since I feel like we already talked too much. Out of the month and a bit we've been dating, we've only seen each other for about.... 9 days. I miss him a lot, but since he's started talking about marriage and kids, I've kind of been pulling back. I've told hm flat out, I don't know if I ever want to get married or have kids. It's never crossed my mind, and probably never will...

I guess I'm confused. I don't know what's going on anymore. We talk every day on the phone, we text whenever we can, but sometimes, when he calls. I don't want to talk, so I'll let it go to voicemail.

Help me, what's going on? What should I do... is this a bad sign?

Long Distance Relationship Tips

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:43:35 -0500

LDR, just like any relationship it's always a work in progress. Except the fact that your SO is unavailable to you physically either 50% of the time or more, because you either live in different states, across the oceans from each other or work/school keeps them busy. But the main striving point(s) of an LDR is love and honesty, always. I can't say I don't have my breaking points every now and then and bawl my eyes out until their swollen because I miss my SO, or when I have those hideous green monster moments when he goes to hang with his friends and I'm not there. Or the biggest relationship "no no", when you suspect him of maybe cheating on you.

It's never easy, but it's always worth it if you have trust and love fully invested in the relationship. I've been with my SO for five years now, 3 years we lived together until the economy went really bad and we had to go back to living with our parents, mine here in the mainland, and his in Hawaii. So we've endured 2 years apart, with visits once a year to see each other, we talk everyday on the phone, text, skype if the internet connection isn't horrible on both our sides. We send gifts and cards to each other as well to let each other know we are thinking of them regardless of our time apart for the time being. LDRs aren't for the faint heart and extremely lonely, so don't jump into one if you THINK you can handle one.

My tips for keeping an LDR happy and healthy:

1. Trust your SO: if they haven't cheated in their past relationships or cheated on you in your dating history. Don't start to falter and let the suspicions eat at you, trust them unless they give you something to start not trusting them.

2. Patience: This is a hard one considering some LDRs have difficult time differences to get the hang of, waiting for a phone call or text message is difficult especially if you want to know if they are okay or you just want to hear their voice. Don't go blowing up their phone and acting crazy, (I'll admit it I've blown up his phone twice) they might of stepped out of the room to take a shower, cook something to eat, or they are working late. Just call them once or twice, if they don't pick up either leave a message or just text them and let it be until they get back to you.

3. Keep yourself busy: There will be times that you and your SO will be busy with work or school, so don't just hang by your phone or computer eagerly awaiting them. Go out with friends, see a movie, read, write, blog, exercise, etc...

4. Communicate: A couple I've been friends with for awhile, both of them are extremely busy with school and work. They live 3 hours away from each other, and they only get to see each other once a month. The one thing that keeps them together, is communication, with texts, phone calls, letters, or emails. One thing they told me they always do if they had a busy day and couldn't talk to their SO, is that they call each other at the end of the night to tell them "I love you, I miss you and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

5. Love investment: Okay in a LDR you know later on after you're maybe done with school or finished up working at a certain area and can transfer, one of you will be moving closer towards the other. In all LDRs you and your SO make decisions together as to if who moves to whom, their is always a sacrifice regardless, that's why love has to be invest deeply into your foundation. You might have to move far away from your comfort zone or your SO will have to, or you both move to a place where you both can see each other and still commute to places you want to be around.

My advice isn't for everyone because someone will always disagree, but any other LDRs out there have other advice to throw out for us long distance runners?

Your question

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:59:27 -0500

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about a year and a half. He's a freshman in college and I am a senior in high school. His college is also only 40 minutes from where I live so it isn't far. We have recently gotten back together but things have been hectic because he just got back to school for spring semester and I have been applying to colleges and what not. My question is, how do I make my boyfriend "want me" more? Like pay attention, want me to visit, stuff like that. I try to give him his space, because college is about having freedom. But I also don't want to seem like nag.

What Men Want in Relationships

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 19:21:57 -0500

Just read this article and I think this is pretty accurate for many men... of course there will always be a few dbags who would object to this. And probably doesn't apply to immature men who act like little boys either. Good advice though...wanted to share! Enjoy!!!

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want. What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this. I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women:  Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.
A tip for women:  Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women:  Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women:  Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women:  Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women:  Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

Source: http://powertochange.com/sex-love/menwant/

Your question

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:10:37 -0500

Is it acceptable for the guy you are seeing quite seriously to be still on match.com a year later checking his profile out and updating even though he may not be making any contact with other women just to give his ego a boost?? Myself, I'm finding it hard to understand and can't see myself accepting it...and also how do you confront him about it without looking like a snoop or a crazy cheat-obsessed girlfriend (which I have kept under wraps very well I think!!!)???

Ten things a woman shouldn't talk about on a first date

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 20:59:00 -0500

Here’s a story for you: A man and woman go on a first date. She opens up to him about her last relationship and he talks about his. Maybe she shares some stories of difficulties she experienced as a child or struggles she’s facing at work and he listens sympathetically, maybe even commiserates. She thinks he is attentive and sensitive and could be just the guy she’s looking for. They end the date with a hug and she tells him how great it was to meet him and how she hopes to see him again soon. He says he’ll call. But he never does… And now she is confused. Even hurt.

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. The reality of the situation is that this man is not necessarily a jerk. Nope. The woman who does this may have opened up too much too soon, which is never a good idea when you are on a first (or second, or third) date. To prevent this from happening to you again, here’s a list of the top ten things a woman should never talk about on a first date:

1. How badly you want to have a relationship/get married/have kids. DO NOT even mention these things. If he brings it up say something like, “Yeah, at some point. But only with the right guy.” This poses a challenge and all men love a challenge, even the “good” ones. If you suspect he might actually be a “player” and he poses the relationship question, there’s a good chance he’s trying to lure you into believeing he’s a “good” guy. What he’s really trying to determine is if he’s got a shot at entering you into his “girl of the month club.” If this is the case, tell him you’re not interested in a relationship. Period. But NEVER say (to any guy) that you’re just want to go out and “have fun.” They’ll assume you’re only looking for sex.

2. Your cat(s). Or your dog(s). Only mention your dog(s) if your date mentions his first or how much he loves dogs in general. I’d also add that your own dog(s) should only be brought up in conversation if they weigh more than 40 pounds. Men equate pets with children - they need to be cared for, fed, and nurtured. Most men don’t want to be reminded of children on a first date. And no guy is going to want to hear how ADORABLE your chihuahua/pug/pomeranian/yorkshire terrier is. Very few men will think it’s cool you can carry your dog in your purse while you go shopping for new shoes. And under no circumstances should you break out the pictures you took of your pet on your iPhone. Ever. No matter how much your dog weighs.

3. Your therapist/psychic/guru/meditative guide or any wisdom these people may have imparted unto you. Unless you met him at a Yoga retreat at an ashram. In that case, it’s fair game. If you met him anywhere else, he’ll think you sound like an unstable flake. In a similar vein, don’t mention any psychotropic medications you might be taking. Never say something to the extent of, “I was such a mess until I went on Prozac. But now I feel FABULOUS!”

4. Past relationships/your toxic ex/the guy who broke your heart, stole money from you, or is stalking you. Even though the old guy is the devil himself and the new guy is an angel in comparison, he’ll wonder how long it will be until you throw him under the bus as well. And he’ll also wonder what’s wrong with you that you attract such losers. Likewise, don’t ask him about his ex or the name of every girl he’s dated over the past two years.

5. Do not be candid just because he is. If he starts talking about past conquests/sexual experiences, BEWARE! Nine times out of ten he’s showing you quite quickly that he has NO manners or class and even less respect for women. If this is how he tries to “impress” you, he is NOT a gentleman. This is not license for you to engage in a similar discourse. In fact, you should probably resolve right then and there to never see him again. This rule also applies to any topic that your date brings up that you do not feel is appropriate. You never have to match his stories or even pretend to be interested. A well timed yawn or stretch should help to change the subject. I have also found that mastering the glazed over expression is a talent beneficial to the single gal.

6. Family drama or drama of any kind. Do not talk about your ex’s flakiness with his child support payments, how your father wasn’t “there for you,” or how you haven’t spoken to your sister in months/years after she slept with your last boyfriend. Don’t tell him about that co-worker who’s “out to get you” or how you are about to declare bankruptcy.

7. Do not say phrases like “It’s a loooooong story,” “I need a drink before we talk about that,” or “I’ll tell you about it when we know each other better.” This will scream “red flag” to a man and will more than likely scare him off.

8. Your second date. Never say, “I’d love to see you again” or something similar unless he brings it up first. This puts pressure on him to reciprocate and men hate pressure. Let him wonder if YOU want to see him again. Don’t “hint” that you have an extra ticket to a concert/exhibit/sporting event. That’s about as subtle as a crane wrecking ball and he’ll smell your tactics a mile away.

9. How much you love to shop. Just mentioning that you have entered a mall, or even a department store, in the past six months and words like “gold digger,” “high maintenance,” and “Paris Hilton” will pop into his head. It’s not your fault. Most women love to shop (and there’s usually nothing nefarious behind it). I just happen to believe it is never wise to remind men of this fact. Besides (and I say this with total love), talking about shopping with a man can make a woman seem… Superficial? Shallow? Stereotypical? Like a bit of an airhead? Hence the Paris Hilton thought he’ll have. You get my point.

10. Anything that could be considered shady/scary/potentially psycho. In case you haven’t noticed, most men tend to think that all women are crazy. There’s varying degrees of course. Most men hope they’ll find a girl they feel is in the “slightly nutty” area of the spectrum and they tend to flee from those they put at the “bunny boiler/stalker/will Lorena Bobbit you” end. It’s best not to give them any extra ammo.

So what SHOULD you talk about? Travel, films, music - anything that interests you and isn’t too “heavy.” Let me add here that talking about books can be tricky. Never mention anything you found in the relationship/self-help aisle of Barnes & Noble. And it’s probably best to leave any sort of chick-lit titles alone, as well. Whatever you talk about, be positive, upbeat, and confident.

The point of a first date isn’t to find out everything about each other. That kind of intimacy develops over time in a relationship. At very fancy restaurants, you will often be served a tiny portion of food - selected and prepared by and compliments of the chef - to give you a flavor of your upcoming meal. It’s called an amuse bouche. And that’s what a first date is - a small sample to whet his appetite and make him hungry for the main course yet to come.

To check out more amazing articles from JennX check out http://www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle and definitely be sure to become a fan!!!

Amazing Quote About Love

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 13:31:28 -0500

This is way too good (and too long) for a Quote of the Day but it's one of the best quotes about love we've ever heard.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” ~Bob Marley

Your question

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:56:32 -0500

How do you "back off" in a relationship? My boyfriend and I have just recently had some issues and he admitted that he thinks that we see each other too much. Admittedly, we see each other every day. We often cook dinner together or just hang out and do homework.

I hate to admit, but I've become too clingy and made him too much of a priority. So how do I back off, do my own thing and not miss him as much while doing so?
How do I get my independence back?

Your question

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:28:24 -0500

My exboyfriend is currently stalking/harassing me. I've told him many times to stop. The president of his frat has told him to stop, along with a judge(I filed for a PPO). I even changed my phoone number but my girlfriends are coming to me telling me that he is asking them for my new number. How the eff do I get him to stop? He's ruined a good part of my life already by giving me an STD and spreading vicious rumors about me, and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. The PPO hasn't gone through yet, but what if it doesn't and the harassment just continues?

7 Reasons Men Play Mind-Games

Dating Drama: His *Future Talk* Freaks Me Out

Long Distance Relationship Tips

Your question

What Men Want in Relationships

Your question

Ten things a woman shouldn't talk about on a first date

Amazing Quote About Love

Your question

Your question

Dating Drama: His Future Talk Freaks Me Out